Day 42- Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.

Dear my sucky life.

Why do you confuse me so? My day will suck and then when all I want to do is kick the wall, something good happens. Does that just mean that nothing else matters? Or what did matter doesn't anymore... Or what didn't matter, does now? What the hell?! I'm tired of fighting it all back. I'm sick of pretending! So damn sick! I've gone crazy. I think I've lost it. What's wrong with you, life? What have I done to you to deserve this? Maybe I do, maybe, I deserve everything I'm getting.

All of it.

So keep it coming, and I guess I'll keep fighting. I won't give up. Even though I've seriously considered it... It would be too easy. I don't hate you enough to end you.

But I know, I know. That if this doesn't get any easier, I won't be able to make it. I've tried and tried. All my strength has been sucked out of me. I feel so empty. So, used... I'm tired.

So I beg you. With what little strength I have left, I'm begging you. Please, don't give up on me too.

Sincerely depressed,

__________

I'm sorry. I know I'm not making any sense.  I'm not even sure what I'm talking about anymore... What I'm thinking?
I don't know... I really don't, know. But who does know?

Quote-

"Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak, it just means you're strong anough to let go."

-Unknown

Song-

Someone like you- Adele

-Grace



Day 41- WHOREable.

I'm so sick.

Of everything. Again. I was doing so good, but, It's back. All of it, it's just back.
 I'm not making any sense, am I?

Well, Over the past couple of months, I've had some serious issues... With myself. I guess I'm just so neggative it's finally taken an effect on me. It's like I can't have a good day without constantly over thinking the little bad things that happened. And what girl doesn't want to have lots of guy friends and guys that like her?

I do. And I know, that sounds so concieted. But, All that I hang out with, really, is guys. I think guys are awesome. But even with them, it's risky. I mean, You hang out with guys TOO much, you're a whore. And they treat you like that too. Not every guy, but I don't know.

I know I'm not a whore.

But I hate this feeling!
My phsyatrist apt. Is today. I need it.

Quote-

Song-

My immortal- Evanesence

-Grace

Day 40- Picture Perfect Monday!

Have a picture perfect day!

Quote-

"Nobody's perfect."

-Hannah Montana. ;)

Song-

Whiskey Lullaby- Alison Kraus

-Grace

Day 39- Ditto.

Hello!

I mentioned in one of my posts about exercise, and how I was gonna try it. Not for weight loss, but it's s'posed to help make me a happier person... I got really hyped the first day, and it's been down hill from there. Actually, I haven't done another sit-up since.

But I think exercise is stupid. Who needs it? The biggest loser, maybe, but I still think it's stupid. ;)

Anyways. I had to go to RED today. (This youth group thing at my church.)
I can describe it in 3 words.

BORING. AKWARD... Boring.

I have nothing in common with most of the teens anyway, (Not even the same school.)
But I made it! Yes! It IS possible.

Quote-

____________

Song-

_____________

-Grace

Day 38- Repunzel, Repunzel. Let down your hair. (So I can cut it.)

I had a birthday party to go to today, (my 4 year old neice). It was a superhero/ princess themed thing. I wanted to dress up too, but it would be pretty embarrassing to have to get asked how old I was around 10 4 yr olds. ;) So I held back on that one.

I spent most of the time faking half-hearted smiles and dodging small talk. The other half, waiting for the cake, followed by all the other fattening foods. But we didn't even end up eating til' 1 and a half later. All that kept me from hiding in a closet was the food. And even though it was a birthday party, I now realize that's alot to ask.

But all in all, I made it, right? Kudos to me!
Me?, Conceited? No, not at all. ;)

Quote-

Song-

Collide- Howie Day

-Grace

Day 37- I miss you, and all of your selfish & immature ways.

Hey again.

Have you ever known someone who you completely and absolutely dispise, know you shouldn't give them another thought, or a second, or a minute of your time, in all ways is everything you shouldn't want in a person, and reminds you everthing about yourself that you'd like to forget?

Have you ever suddenly felt stupid for asking an open question and waiting for a response?

Well, I'm totally sick of being so hung up on this guy. We met when we were in the 6th grade.
But we've been really good friends ever since... False. I hated him for the longest time, for so many things, I don't even remember any more, cause they were stupid. So, stupid, but I don't know, I just, I don't know. He's recently told me he still has feelings for me. Which doesn't, help, at all.
I feel really dumb blogging about this. But I had to vent now, before I blew on a real person. (and not the internet..?)

Lists are good, right? So I'm gonna make a list, of, every reason why I shouldn't give him another thought.

#1? He has a girlfriend.
#2? They've been dating for more than a year.
#3? He's dangerous.
#4? He's immature.
#5? Major anger issues.
#6? Other issues.
#7? Issues.


#8. I think I love him.

But what do I know? Right? What do you call it, when you can't stop thinking about him? When everytime he wals into a room, a part of me comes alive, something I never knew before... And everytime he leaves, a part, a part of me dies.

Pathetic.
I'm so pathetic... But maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm just making up this feeling, it's all my imagination. Fake. He's real. But what I feel when I think of him, Isn't.
Real.

I wish I could cancel the pain, the time, everything I've put into that boy... But, I just, can't.

But I'm sick of this. So I'll pretend again, and agian. Until maybe I won't have to pretend anymore. Or hide.

Quote-

Song-

Chasing cars-Snow patrol

-Grace

Day 36- Exercise.

Hello bloggers.

Ever since I can remember, I have'nt been a morning person. Mornings suck. For me.
I always feel groggy and just, tired in the morning. And that leads to a tired and even suckier day... So I did some research on how to feel better in the morning, and through out the day.

Here's some links.
http://happylists.wordpress.com/2008/08/04/ways-to-feel-sexy/
http://happylists.wordpress.com/2008/07/11/20-creative-ways-to-get-exercise/
http://happylists.wordpress.com/2008/07/01/13-ways-to-cheer-up/

I'll be trying them too. You know, I never thought of exercise to make your day start off better. I always related it to losing weight, but for either one, it really works!

Who doesn't want to wake up fresher everyday?
I'll keep you updated on how it works out for me. ;)

Quote-

"Yesterday, you said tomorrow.

JUST DO IT."

-Nike

Song-

You're beautiful- James Blunt

Random words from Grace...

Life is too short to live with what could be, and regrets ... Embrace what you already have, before it slips between your fingers.

Oh, and go exercise! ;)

-Grace

Day 31/32/33/34/35- 5 days in Tybee.

Hello!

My amazing mother and I went to Tybee, GA for 5 days. (We just got back today.) We already live in GA but not in the breathtaking beauty beaches and tourist infested streets... part. We live in the middle of GA's finest, nothingness and small towns. I still can't decide which is better. ;)

But anyway it was still so much fun! Our condo was right next to the beach and all we had to do was walk down the street and over the board walk. And there was the beach! It was beautiful.

I know you probably don't care to listen to me brag and rant about my awesome vacation, but I'm already started, right? ;)

There were really pretty streets and not to mention, (super hot guys!) The weather was pretty much overcast the whole time we were there... But yesterday the sun came out and I got a little tan. Something to brag about at school... Right? ;)

Savannah was really pretty too. The trees were crazy gorgeous. I think my mom and I were more excited about the trees more than anything else, really. But we hit up a few candy stores and gift shops along the way. And that was really cool. On the beach there were almost completely covered with broken seashells. And they were so pretty. Each one was part of another one and so on and so on.

But it was kindof cool to have to guess what they looked like before they were all broken up rather than just finding a whole one. But we did find like 30 smaller ones and 1 HUGE one. It's so pretty! I'll post a picture of it later.

Well, here's some...

 Me. Or the back of me. ;)

Some of the seashells we found!

I didn't post any of my face cause I was too freaked some dude would stalk me or something. What a wonderful world, right? ;)

Quote-

Does that count?

Song-

"I hope you dance"- Lee Ann Womack

Go have fun, be crazy.

-Grace



Day 30- 30 down, 345 to go.

Hello!

Today in Lit. class we were asked a bunch of wierd questions like:

-Statement: You should leave fate alone, and not try to change it.
-Answer: I don't believe in fate. Yes, there are happy accidents and things that aren't coincidences. But we are only what me make of ourselves. I disagree with this statement.
-Statement: Is it fair to treat people based on their intelligence.
-Answer: I don't think you should treat anyone based on your opinion of them, or what you think you know, like intelligence. You should treat people not by what you know about them, but what you don't know. I disagree with this statement.

And so on. I don't think I was giving her the answer she wanted the way she wanted... But, I might've did it on purpose. ;)

I have a problem with just giving short answers. Yes and no are highly overrated, don't you think? It's so much more interesting to give detail, and actually think into it. I hate having to take multiple choice tests and quizzes (In math, they're lifesavers) But in English and Lit. they're just painful. 

Well, I'm gonna hit the sheets. 8:25 and I'm EXHAUSTED, pathetic, right? -I'm quite the party animal. ;)


I got this picture off of Google Images, but this is one awesome cake.

Happy 30th blog. ;)



It's a cake! ;)

Or,

:)

Quote-

Song-

It ends tonight- All American Rejects

Mission?

It's my 30th blog, and you're awesome.

Go celebrate.

-Grace

Day 29- 29 Going on 30!

It's me again, the girl with the never ending problems and oh so interesting thoughts.;)

Speaking of which, today's my Physch apt. Exciting, right?

Well, as you might've noticed, tommorrow will be my 30th blog! You probably didn't notice but, Woot, woot! This will call for an ultimate party, right? I'm thinking cakes, music, EVERYTHING! Of course it'll probably be picture of a cake and a youtube link, but, it'll still be awesome. ;)

Oh, and 3 more days till' Tybee Island. I didn't sound excited, did I?
Okay, how's this?

3 MORE DAYS TILL' TYBEE! WOOOOOAH!

How's that? ;)
So tomorrow's Picture day. (I'm famous for taking the worst pictures, By the way.) But doen't everyone? Okay, yeah, there's the people who take the perfect pictures everysingletime, and never have a flaw anyway. But, really, for the normal people out there. Yearbook pictures are a promise of social embarassment. It's just, that, great. Right? ;)

&honestly, I'm at the 9th yearbook picture and they still keep it coming.

Well, I gotta go.
Hasta Luego. (I didn't drop Spanish. ;)

-Recycled-Quote+Picture.

 James Frey

Song-

Stay?- Sugarland

-Grace

Day 28- Wow, Good days DO exist. ;)

Hello my fellow blogins!

I didn't post yesterday, (I'm getting really bad about that, aren't I?)
So here's yesterday's post... &today's post, combined, all together... Like magic. ;)

On a different note, It turns out that not only am I an excessive compulsive worrier, Everything I worry about, is completely, and totally, irrelevant? -Not something I should even give a second thought too...
Mostofthetime.

And I've decided to, stop. Yes, I am stopping, so watch out all you evil thoughts... Cause Gracie isn't taking you anymore. Oh, and don't call me Gracie. ;)

Well, I got bored and started to think about all the things I do that, well, yeah, are a littttttle dorky.
So here they are:

  *My super duper list of dorky things I... do? . (Take Five.)  

-1.) I eat EVERYTHING with a fork. Yes, even pizza.

-2.) I barely ever eat lunch at school, (I have this *pathetic* phobia of eating in front of people... I told you, it was pathetic. ;)

-3.) I often think of something that happened maybe 2 months ago, and laugh.

-4.) I turn my alarm clock off in my sleep.

-5.) I hold conversations with my self in my head, or when I'm in my room, myself, outloud. Wow, that wasn't as hard as I thought. :)

And back to # 2... I actually ate luncha ta school today. All of it. Like a big girl. I'm so proud.

*Sarcasm. I guess it kinda helps to tell people about all of your dorky things you do, you know? ;)

I Love that!

Quote-

"Make haste slowly."

-Caesar Augustus

Song-

"Down to the river to pray."

-Alison Kraus

-(Oh brother where art though soundtrack)-

Todays ULTIMATE Mission?

Make a list of all the things that you do that make you dorky.

Now, next time you do them,

Embrace them.

Because their what make your awesome self, so awesome!

-Grace (Still loves you!)

Day 27- The home of the brave.

9/11/11.
10 years ago today, so many people lost their lives. The United States of America's people... Friends, family, even some of us, neighbors.

Here's a link to the president's speech on 9/11...

George Bush- 9/11 Adress to the Nation.

I just wanted to remember all who died or served or those we lost, that day.

Quote-

Song-

"Have you forgotten?"

-Darryl Worley

HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ?

I hear people saying we don't need this war
But, I say there's some things worth fighting for
What about our freedom and this piece of ground
We didn't get to keep 'em by backing down
They say we don't realize the mess we're getting in
Before you start your preaching let me ask you this my friend

Have you forgotten how it felt that day?
To see your homeland under fire
And her people blown away
Have you forgotten when those towers fell?
We had neighbors still inside going thru a living hell
And you say we shouldn't worry 'bout bin Laden
Have you forgotten?

They took all the footage off my T.V.
Said it's too disturbing for you and me
It'll just breed anger that's what the experts say
If it was up to me I'd show it everyday
Some say this country's just out looking for a fight
Well, after 9/11 man I'd have to say that's right

Have you forgotten how it felt that day?
To see your homeland under fire
And her people blown away
Have you forgotten when those towers fell?
We had neighbors still inside going thru a living hell
And we vowed to get the one’s behind bin Laden
Have you forgotten?

I've been there with the soldiers
Who've gone away to war
And you can bet that they remember
Just what they're fighting for

Have you forgotten all the people killed?
Yeah, some went down like heroes in that Pennsylvania field
Have you forgotten about our Pentagon?
All the loved ones that we lost and those left to carry on
Don't you tell me not to worry about bin Laden
Have you forgotten?

Have you forgotten?
Have you forgotten?

And of course...

"The United States of America National Anthem... The Star Spangled Banner"

O! say can you see by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;
O! say does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
’Tis the star-spangled banner, O! long may it wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion,
A home and a country, should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps’ pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave,
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation.

Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust;”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!^[12

^-Grace

Day 27- Art or Espanol?

Hello, all?

Well, It's official... I'm FAILING Spanish. I don't know if I should take art instead... I mean art's cool... And I like it and everything... But In our art class we don't really do, art?

I don't know, why... (The Art Teacher...) But it's pretty lame.

Any suggestions?

Short post today... Sorry, I'd hate to bore you any further. :)



-Grace

Day 25/26- All or everything?

Hello strangers...

Sorry for not posting yesterday... It totally slipped my mind.
Well, today was actally pretty good. It was more of a... 7? Yeah. I'd say a 7. :)

I had another dentist apt about my oral surgery or whatever, and I got out of Spanish. Sweet, right?
I just realized, I never go to Spanish... Or I just end up leaving early. ;) Which is fine, cause today was "new seats" day. Exciting, right? Well, it's basically it's name. Can you guess? We get new seats.

Did you get it right? Hooray! Congragulations, don't let anyone tell you you're not smart, cause, you are! Anyway, it's really akward and you usually get sat next to someone you never sat with before, or someone that you have and they hate you, yet you alwaysgetsetnexttothem. Or sometimes you get to choose your own seats... Except "Senora maestra" chooses the people you get to choose... And again, akward.

At least now that I wasn't there I'll probably get some seat by myself in the back... That actually sounds really great. :)

Quote-

"Forgiveness, Is such a simple word... But it's so hard to do, when you've been hurt."

-Kellie Pickler

Song-

I wonder- Kelly Pickler

-Grace

-Keep breathing. <3

Day 24- Phsycological Therapy.

Hello!

Well, today was my first therapy session, or whatever. Yes, I hd to hold back from saying, "Hi, my name is Grace, and I'm a...". It went oh-kay, I guess. I don't really know what it was s'posed to be like anyway but it was kindof like the movies. There was a couch... She took notes... &talked in a, compassionate tone, so to say.

She would take a few breaks here and there that were kindof like, akward? Like I was supposed to say something? When not answering a question... ? But she was nice.

Wow, It's pretty sad I'm not gonna tell anyone about my shrink... Except the, whole, entire,
 i..n..t..ernet? But, besides my picture and name, you guys don't know me, right? ;)

Apparently I'm struggling with low self esteem, and... Well, that's pretty much all we got to today. I admit, I felt pretty dumb. Like I'm sure that this was not her first choice of occupation as listening to depressed and low people talk about, their inner thoughts, and, how they feel. I felt guilty for taking up so much of her time. Yeah, I know she gets paid... But I couldn't help but notice the pictures on her desk, (She had 2 little kids.) I'm sure she'd rather be with them at 7:00 on a school night...

Anyways, I'm uuber tired and gonna watch The Office a little bit n' hit the sheets.
(-I love that show. :)

*Mental check! Your brain exercise for the day. :) ^

Irrelavent Quote-

"Walmart, do they make walls there?"

-Paris Hilton

Relavent quote-

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving."

-Albert Einstein

Song-

You had a bad day-Daniel Powter

*Mission?

Look at yourself in the mirror tomorrow morning, and say with a smile...

I am... everything, but nothing.

&I will prove it.

-Grace, (loves you! :)

Day 23- Happily insane.

-Hello world.

I know I usually don't talk about love and other silly topics but , I have quite the love life, don't you know? *Sarcasm.

Well, honestly I guess it's just my opinion that right now the last thing I need on my mind is, a guy. I'm stressed enough about what other chicks think, why should I throw a guy in there? I already do, and I hate that, but it's true. *Honesty.

Well, this guy, he's really cute... Wow, I really feel pathetic just talking about this.
Whatever, we've been friends for a long time... A really long time. & He's funny, and smart, and nice. And cute? I'm sorry I already mentioned that..
Anyway, he ended up asking my friend out and since she said yes, we haven't spoken, at all.
It's like he just completely wiped me out of his memory or something. We'll pass in the hall at school, and he'll keep walking. I'd feel terrible if I tried to talk to him and he still ignored me, but damn.

I know he was interested in me before her. So, it's not like I was picking up on the wrong signals or, something. But when I'm into a guy, I kindof close myself off... I'll talk to them, I mean, if they talk to me first. I don't want to be that chick whose always blowing up his phone and oh, so desperate. All over him.

I hate when a guy won't let me breath, so why be that way with him? Don't they like space?

Well, his girlfriend is, well, everything I'm not:
Her: Me:

• Hair- Dark, Blonde
• Skin tone- Super Tan, Pale
• Height- like 5' 3, 4'11. (let's say, 5. ;)
• Personality- Extremely bubbly, happy, all, of, the, time., Me? Depressed.
• Friends- The people who, hate, me... :)

Did I metion she can dance? I think she does gymnastics...

-I've never done anything outside of school. & I'm a total klutz.

We're complete and total opposites. But she's nice, and I could sit here and diss her all day but, that would only be because she's got the guy I'd kill for. And that's wrong, and bitchy, and I should be happy for them. The both of them.

He's my friend. At least I thought so...
but I love him. *_____

Anyway, tomorrow's my first apt with my new shrink. Wish me luck my blogging friends.

Quote-

Song-

Who are you when I'm not lookin'- Blake Shelton

My Mission?-

To be completely, and perfectly, and incandescently happy.

-Pride and prejudice

-Grace

Day 22- All I want to do... is nothing at all. :)

Here's my to-do list for my amazing moday without school.

1- Sleep.
2- Nails n' hair, ;)
3- Watch the new Bradley Cooper movie, (Ah, I love you.)
 Oh, did I mention sleep? ;)

I'm actually really excited.  I need a day off, besides the weekend, you know? I go crazy when I'm at school so much.

Next Sunday's the 9\11- 10 year anniversary.
I was so young when it happened, I don't remember much at all, but not everyone was that fortunate. I guess all we can do is, pray. Even if you don't believe in God or whatever. Sometimes, we have to just trust something's there, even when we're so sure, it's not. After all, when are we ever really, right?

 Quote-

Song-

Happy Labor Day.

-Grace

Day 23\24- A painful smile.

-Morning!
Well yesterday I had oral surgery or whatever. They basically drilled a hole in my mouth and knocked me out. Or was it the other way around...

Well they loaded me on pain meds and some other anestitia.. -Yep, I was stoned. My sister said I kept crying bacause she left the mouse on the movie on the laptop screen. I guess I really didn't want to see the cursor on Steve Carell's face. ;)

I'm still kindof wobbly when I walk, and type. Like a drunk, nice right?
Hah. ;) Oh, and if I have spelling errors...

Well it's sposed to be raining all this week... I'm so happy! I LOVE rain. Really, who doesn't?
And no school Monday, Labor day weekend! I love all those who, labor? Thankyou! :)

Picture+Quote-

Song-

21 guns- Greenday

-Grace

(Oh, &Don't forget to smile! Unless you've had oral surgery... ;)

Day 22-