Day 21- I just want to be, wonderful.

-I'm so sick of pretending. I should be an actress or something, cause I seem to have everyone fooled. I'd be nominated for world's best liar. But, acting isn't a lie. Sometimes it protects the truth, right?

I've got the "not caring so much about what other people think" down... But there's so much more. I think the problem isn't on the surface. It's deeper than that. It's not just something that made me upset, it's what I can't wrap my fist around. I can't stop it before it get any deeper. It's diving, down, down. And there' snothing I can do about it.

Why is it that no one pays attention unless you do something drastic? She'll get better. It's just a bad day. Everydays a bad day. Some days I'm better at hiding it. Well, I never let it show at school.

I smile, I laugh. I'm a good little girl. I sound crazy, don't I? But what's wrong with crazy? Who said crazy wasn't normal... And what exactly is normal? Who decides who's nuts and who's sane? We don't have the power to see through someone elses eyes... Or feel what they feel.

Maybe I am crazy. But, I don't care what people think, remember? ;)

Quote-

"Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination."

-Mark Twain

"Sanity may be madness, but the maddest of all is to see life as it is, and not as it should be."

-Don Quixote

Song-

Crazy- Patsy Cline

-Grace

Day 19/20- Crap... I really can't think of a title. :)

-Hello bloggers ! (I feel like I say that everyday... ;)

*1st, I'm sorry I missed yesterday! I was so lazy, I forgot. No, I didn't abandon you my dearest blogging friends! I swear! ;)

*2nd, Today was, on a scale from 1 to 10...
I'd give it a 4. Not good enough for a 5, and not bad enough to be a 3. :)
Oooh, Comment which # your day was.
1- I'm dead.
2- I'm alomost dead.
3- I'm dying.
4- Eh, close, but no cigar.
 5- As good as bad.
6- Wow, I actually didn't feel like killing anyone today.
7- Today was amazing!
8- Perfect!
9- So great, I must be dreaming!
10- Yep, it was all a dream.

Like my scale? ;)
-So I'm thinking about dropping out of spanish... I mean, all in all, after 2 years all I've gotten down so far is.. "Perro is male dog, Perra is female dog, and there's a spanish alphabet." No, I had no idea there was a spanish alphabet, too. Are there French alphabets? German?
Fascinating.

Well, I've decided too stop caring so much. I know in most of my past blogs I've been talking about, "How much I care, what other people think, & how much I really don't want too care what other people think." But, you know, I can sit here all day and give 50 reasons why I care. And another day, 50 reasons why SHOULDN'T care. But that's just me talking. & since when has my talking changed anything? If I really want to change something about me, I've gotta be the one to do it. & I've gotta be the one to convince myself why. Ergo, If I want to change,
then I'm gonna change.
...Screw everything before that shouldn't have mattered, but did, cause it doesn't anymore.

Quote-

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

-Gandhi

Song-

"Aplogize- One Republic"

**Today's Mission!**

Think of that one person who makes your life miserable. And next time you see them, completely ignore them. Or tell em' to shove it. Sometimes we fall for the ones who won't catch us, but it doesn't mean we have to hit the ground. :)

-Grace

Day 18- Full of nothing.

Hello world.

Today I basically did a whole lota' nothing... And it was great. ;)
I spent 40% on the computer, 50% sleeping, && 10% watching The Office re-runs. Oh, how I love weekends.

But, like all good things. They end. :(

Well, Katy Perry went to Six Flags... I'm so jealous!  I've only been once this summer, and I wish I could go again. That must suck, though. You go to the bathroom and everyone waits by your stall trying to get you to sign their face or something. ...Creepy. But, something's gotta give, right? ;)

-It's okay to laugh.
Even if it's really stupid.

Well, here's a few jokes... (Yes, they are blonde jokes. ;)

...Yes.  I am a blonde.

1... A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender IS blonde and the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall blonde, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is a blonde, 6' 2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6' 5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

2... There was three blondes stranded on a island far, far away. They saw a magic bottle floating on the water. They retrieved it and they went ahead and rubbed it, a genie came out and said " thank you very much lady's". the genie said, just for that I will grant you all one wish and one wish only, so all three blondes were happy.
The first blonde said I want to be rich and have a big mansion with a big swimming pool," poof", she was gone having a good time.
The second blonde said, I want to be a millionaire and own a plane with a cute husband to take care of me and travel the world, ' poof", she was of with her husband having a good time.
Then the third blonde was so sad. And the genie asked, "what is wrong?", the blonde said, you know what I wish, "I wish my friends were back here with me", and "poof", there they are, back together again.

3... A blonde decides to give back to society. She finally decides to paint an old man's home for free. "So, what do I paint?" she asks the old man.

"The porch," he laughs like there's an inside joke. "Ok!" she says excitedly. The old man walks in his house and his wife looks upset at him.

"Did you tell her the porch goes all around the house?" she asks. The man shook his head.

"Hey!" the blonde calls, in half hour, "I'm done, and I even had paint left over so I put a second coat." she explains.

The happy man waves as the blonde leaves. "And by the way," the blonde says, "That's not a porsche, that's a ferrari."

Quote-

-Grace

Day 17- _______ (Fill in the blank)

-Morning!

I'm seriously not a morning person, (Who is?), yet my mother continuel st wake me up at 10, on a Saturday morning. She says I should wake up, or she'll dump the last of the coffee down the sink. That's enough to get me moving... ;)
It should be illegal for someone to take away your right to sleep in, right? Why does school have to be so early in the morning? Couldn't we just start it off like, 2 hours later? 20, 30 minutes a class, that doesn't sound to bad to me... ;)

Well,
I'm kindof running out of things to blog about... but not totally.
After all, when do I not have something to think about? ;) So the other day I found out that a family member had died. He drowned.  Anyway his parents were the ones who found him. Days, days later. He was already dead when they found him. When I heard about it, my first thought was, How awful, you know? Anyone's first impression.

But then a few hours later, Something else had already pushed it out of my crowded mind. I hate that. Someone's life is over, gone, D-E-D. And everyone pays their respects and, well, moves on. We all move on. But how are you their parents, kids, or lovers? How do they move on? I guess in reality, no one knows how until they're smacked in the face with no other choice. But we mustn't give up... I guess you just learn to except it. But excepting, and moving on, aren't they two different things? I have'nt lost anyone close to me, before. So maybe I can't talk. And I understand that we can't all just lie down and die, too.

And, maybe, excepting it is all we can do. But we have to move on, forgive, forget. No. Scratch that. Forgive, yes.


Forget, no. We can't forget.

Quote-

"Maybe I'm not making any sense. But that's the beauty of it, right?"

Song-

By the way- Red Hot Chili Peppers



-Another depressing post from,

 Grace.

Day 16- Go, tigers, Go, Go, tigers!

-So, football season is back... Okay, it's been back for a while, but I've kindof been avoiding it... Like the dances, pep rallies,

     you get it.

But I'm pretty tired of avoiding social gatherings. I'm gonna suck it up, and go. This year, I'm going to quit being a big bag of nothing, and I'm gonna start getting, "involved".
Maybe I should join newspaper, or yearbook duty, or something... Well, maybe not that involved.
Anyway(s),
I've been reading this book, (I know, SHOCK!) But it's really good... It's called "Speak".
I don't want to give it away, -incase someone is actually reading this and decides to read it, ;) But it is definately probably the first and only book I have finished in... well, since 2nd grade?

Short blog today, super tired.
Happy Friday !

Here's a little something for all you Friday fans out there... ;;)
Friday- Rebecca Black (arguably worst song ever,) enjoy! ;)

Quote-

^ does that count? ;)

-Grace

Day 15- An (almost) picture perfect Thursday.

-Some of my favorite pictures and quotes... Enjoy! ;) 

-Grace

Day 14- Thanks for listening.

She opens my mouth, but no words come out.

She pushes me forward, and I take a step backwards.

She brushes my hair, I cut it off.

She pulls the edges, but my mouth. stays. straight.

She's fun. She's pretty. She's the girl I wish I could be.

She's the girl, inside me.

She's Grace.

She's me.

Hey guys,

Like my pretty little poem? ;) Really, if anyone is as depressed and over analyzed as me, this is for YOU.

My mother's taking me to see a pysciatrist. You know, shrink, therapist, good old, happy doctor.

Here's your... Definition of the day- psychiatrist- is a medical doctor who is specializing in mental disorders;

Hah. Maybe I am mental. everytime a door slams or a pencil drops, my brain freezes. I pay attention to every.

little.

detail.

I may sound like it, but I'm not one of those people whose throat closes when someone asks them a question. (I know people who are like that, and they have my upmost respect. I was worse.)

I actually love meeting new people. Put me in a room full of people I've never met before and I'll leave with at least a few friends. If not, some good acquaintances. -I'm not being concieted. It's called confidence. ;) I guess it's just when people get too close, or start forming oppinions of me... I opt out.

I never keep close friends..

I can never, well, keep, them. I'd like too, but it's just a problem I have, I guess. Usually I push them to a safe distance where,

I wave, they wave. *Smiles. We move on. but sometimes you don't have to puch cause, well, people will just fade away on their own. You don't have to push a guy who just lost his girlfriend to his bestbud since grade school off a cliff. I'm sure if he was upset enough, he'd do it his self.

But that's just people. Inspiring, aren't I? ;)

Quote-

"If you want to be happy, be."

-Loo Tolstoy

Today's DOUBLE QUOTE! Cause it's just that great. :)-

"Life isn't about finding yourself.

It's about creating yourself."

-George Bernard Shaw

 Mission POSSIBLE...

Talk to that guy\chick whose litterally been in all, of, your, thoughts. That person who's made you miserable with yourself for not saying, "Hey" Yet just glancing at them makes you smile, and your whole day that much better. Forget about all of the other jerks, and don't listen to who you feel like. Listen to who you KNOW YOU are. So take a deep breath of YOU and let that person you used to think you were, out. You're awesome. You're hot. So, say hey. After all, if they don't talk back, then they're just toolbags for not giving your awesome self a chance.

In that case, screw them.

If not, You've got all o' ma luck. ;DD

-Grace

Day 13- Depressed? Yeah, maybe.

Skipped school today. Couldn't pull hard enough to open the door. I've lost my strength.

Yesterday, all we did was take tests... Didn't see the point in going, I guess. But my Miss math teacher, is-always-smacking-her-lips. I call her lipsmacker. (Like the chapstick, get it?) I dread first period, Not only do I hate math, the whole time I'm digging my nails into my palms to keep my self from thinking about Miss Math's smacking. My hands, hurt. Miss Math's smacking fades.

Miss LA wore her hair straight yesterday. It was kindof hard to adjust, I mean, it looks great. But, it's, usually, curly? But how are we not supposed to notice, right?
In  LA we're sposed to be designing our own fake product. So we can me fake ads, and fake sales, fake, fake, fake. I mean, aren't we sposed to be reading Poe, or Shakespear or, just, reading? I'm desiging a magic window that will let you climb through the glass without cutting yourself and into a magical world full of magical trees and magical friends that hold your hands and drift away on magical clouds. Did I mention their made of cotton candy?

Well besides school... the guy I liked and thought liked me, asked out my friend, and hasn't talked to me since. I'm counting,4, days, now? He's a great guy. Really, great. Great. Guy.

I think I'm gonna run away and dye my hair blue. Maybe I'll be a rockstar or something. All you gotta do is be able to scream, right? I think I can manage... ;)

Quote-

"Depression is not a sign of weekness. It just means you've been strong, for far too long."

-Unknown

Song-

Under and over it- Five finger death punch

-Be strong. And when you feel weak, be stronger.-

-Grace

Day 11\ 12- Tomorrow is only a day away...

-Morning!

Today's Sunday morning, which means... Politics.
Hooray! :| My mother, should have been a politician. Every Sunday morning since I can remember, she watches het Meet the Press and whatever else comes on when everyone else in America is sleeping.
I mean, it's sunday morning, aren't you supposed to sleep in?
She's not bad, though. I mean, she makes a lot more sense than they do. I'm just not the biggest fan of Washington, anyway.

But men will always argue and there will always be reasons to argue about. 100 years later, that hasn't changed... Has it?

So I've never been in any sports, but I think I'm gonna join colorguard... I think it would be fun. And it would give me something else to do... I'm so tired of being home, but it's like the only place I feel comfortable... And I hate that.

I'm gonna try to get in better shape, too. More walks, occasional situps... You get it. Really, I'm tired of being a step away from boring. Who like boring, right? ;)

Quote-

-James Frey

Song-

I get a little bit stronger- Sara Evans

-Grace



Day 10- All your life, you're were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Evening, bloggers!

It's me again. Todays my 10th blog. Woot, Wooot! I have to admit, I'm pretty excited, Can you tell?
Oh, and TGIF!

In case your wondering, the title of the blog is from a song by the Beatles. Here's the lyrics.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

My chorus is singing it.(: I know, I know, I'm a chorus freak. And no, I still can't sing. But I mean, As long as I don't have to do any solos, right?(;

Quote-

Song-

Blackbird- The Beatles

-Grace

Day 9- Why throw me the rope, when you're the one drowning?

For (whom)ever cares,
Tomorrow's my 10th day! ;) 355 to go...

- Maybe it should be, My sucky reality? ;)
Everyone says, "It'll be okay, Or it gets better." And I'd like to say, "How the hell would you know?"
Cause nothing ever changes. You can't trust anyone, sometimes you're your own worst enemy. Why do we need friends to define who we are? Why do we need people, to tell us, we're pretty, or we're smart.
Life's a bitch, but maybe If I got to know her better, She'd be better to me.

And words? Slut, whore, Ho, skank, etc. Why should words define us? A bunch of lettters that didn't even exist 50 years ago. So, why words?

Okay, I know I'm a little depressing on here, but really, the farther you think into things, the less other things matter..? I could be laying my clothes out for school right now, but that takes all the fun away from trashing my room with 7 pairs of jeans in the morning, Right?(;

Quote-

"To find happiness, you must first find yourself."

-Unknown

Song-

Three days grace- Never to late

(I love that band, ;)

-Grace

Day 8- Au naturale?

If there's any chick out there that's like me, they feel NAKED without makeup. ;)
I hate I'm so dependant on my appearance... It can basicaly ruin my day. Pathetic, right?
Well, here's a few makeup tips I've learned to make your imperfections perfect, and not just cover them up.
-Eyeshadow...Use nude eyeshadows in your crease, and white or peach eyeshadows on your lash line.
-Eyeliner... Apply it half way on your lid, (A thin line) then drag it down to the end of your lash line.
-Foundation/ Powder... Dust the powder over your foundation to make it last longer, (Oil control).
-Lips... I usually use a small amount of dark plum or nude lipstick. *Darker colors are for lighter eyes, and of course, lighter lips are for darker eyes.* Use clear or sheer lipstick.
-Nails... Nails won't dry? Try dipping them into ice water. It'll shock em' right up! ;)

Well, I gotta go, Good luck, makeup artists. ;)
Oh, and everynow and then, don't be afraid to go bare! Natural beauty is most beautiful. :)

Quote-

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

Song-

I am beautiful- Christina Aguliera

-Grace

Day 7- "A madness most discreet".

"Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs,
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes,
Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers' tears.
What is it else? A madness most discreet,
A choking gall and a preserving sweet."
-Shakespeare 

I'm a sucker for Shakespeare... ;)
Being vexed... A sea nourished with lovers tears. Lovers tears. So with love comes, tears. Yet, so does hate... What's the difference, really? To love or to hate... But which one?
They both overcome us, they both hurt, they both make us doubt. Doubt, ourselves... Our loved ones, our enemies. God.

Have you ever noticed, that each day will pass. Hearts, won't stop beating because, you've stopped desiring life. You've stopped wanting to live. You've decided to slip out of existence. You're world has broken in half.
Yet, the world moves on. Nothing last forever. Lovers will fade.
Lives will fade.
And soon the world... But not now. Everyone's moving on with they're busy lives and, forgetting what's good. And not even noticing it, even if it hits them between the eyes.

Faith over love, or Hope over faith?
Tomorrow will be someone's last. And someone's begining.
But, really, for the rest of us, We're just trying to make it out of this world alive.

           

Quote-



Song-

My Immortal- Evanescence

"Be strong, treat everyday like your last, and never, ever, let that person pass you by, without telling them,

You thank God, everyday, that they were born."

-Grace

Day 5/ Day 6- Understated.

Hey, bloggers. ;)
I really wanted to say, Sorry I missed yesterday! My grandparents came from LA and we hadn't see them in years. We as in "family".

Anyway, I noticed some people were listing songs, movies, etc, that they thought were the best or whatever, and I hadn't done that yet. So... Here's my list of UNDERSTATED everything.

         Understated Songs

• Gaurdian Angel- Red jumpsuit Apparatus
• Black roses red- alan grace
• Your guardian angel- the red jumpsuit appatatus
• fall for you- secondhand serenade
• sum 41- with me
• without you- hinder
• who are you when im not lookin- Blake Shelton
• better than me- hinder
• Ill be (your crying shoulder)- Edwin McCain
• Broken- Seether Ft Amy Lee
• If everyone cared- Nickleback
• Whisket lullaby- Brad Paisley Ft Alison Krauss
• I get a little bit stronger- Sarah Evans
• Someday- Nickelback
• Behind blue eyes- Limp Bizkit
• i hate everything about you- Three days grace
• new divide- Linkin Park
• boulevard of broken dreams- Green day
• Everything changes- Staind
• It's been a while- Staind
• Without you- My darkest days
• one last time- my darkest days
• Skillet- Say goodbye
• She will be loved- Maroon 5
• Pictures- Kid rock Ft Sheryl Crow
• The Frey- How to save a life
• Yours to hold- Skillet

      Understated Movies (Horror, Romance Flicks, ;)

•             Romance       
• A walk to Remember
• P.S I love you
• The Notebook
• Titanic- of course ;)
• Gone with the wind
•            Horror\ Thriller          
• Prom Night
• Shutter Island
• What lies Beneath
• The next three days
• Taken
• An eye for an eye
• Salt
• Tears of the sun
•          Comedy              
• What happens in Vegas 
• My Big Fat Greek Wedding
• 13 going on 30
• All about Steve
• And of course, The Hangover
• _____And last but not least,        
• Harry Potter!

Well, that's all I can think of. Comment if you want to add!

Quote-

"At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet"

-Plato

Song- All of the ones listed, ;)

Todays Mission?

Call a friend you haven't talked to in a while, and catch up. :)

-Grace

Day 4- 4 down... 361 to go. (:

I had to take this survey thing in class the other day... It was like,
 "How would you describe yourself?"

I wanted to put, "Miserable, And you?"
I just don't see the point in.. Describing yourself.
I guess some people have a pretty good idea of who they are, and that's great. But I honestly don't know anything anymore. I can't say I think I'm pretty, Cause then I'd be concieted. I can't say I think I'm smart, Cause I'd be Stuck up.
I know.., I'm confident, but sometimes, I get so caught up in everyone else's take on me, I forget my own.
And I hate that.
But Tomorrow's a new day, with no mistakes in it.
Yet. ;)

Quote-

Song-

Numb- Linkin Park

-Grace

Day 3- No one said it'd be easy, they just promised it'd be worth it.

-Thanks for the comments!
Really, it helps when you don't feel like your talking to yourself, ;)

Today was super slow. -so has the past week. My school's having a dance Thursday, but I don't think I'm gonna go. I mean, I used to go, but now it's pretty much dry humping and, loud music? Fun? But I really don't want to stay at school any longer than I already have to.

Already tired of school, (and alot of the people in it).

-Really, people are always trying to point fingers and after a while,
I guess you just start becoming what they think. (if you let it happen.)

Honestly, I don't think anyone should just give in and let them be right. Stand up for yourself. They're a holes for not giving you a chance and they should be the ones getting the wrong attention. Screw them. You're worth more than that. Even if what they said was true, it doesn't have to be. Those are the kindof people that make life sooo freaking miserable. Random, I know, But last year was hell for me because of people like that, when really, life's what you make it, right?
Why can't we all just smile and wave and be very best friends? When you find out, let me know. :)

And really, Life is a hell of a lot better when you stop caring so much about what other people think.

          Quote-

Song- Better than me- Hinder (Has nothingg to do with the quote, I just love the song ;)

-Grace

Day 2- Tuesdays... I hate Tuesdays.

"Oral Surgery"
Sounds kindof creepy, right? I just found out I'm gonna get 2 teeth pulled! Hooray!
Of course, I'm being sarcastic. I had to wait for 2 hours in the waiting room until the doctor or whatever took us into his office and talked to us for about 5 seconds and we waited for another half an hour until he gave us the papers to sign. I hate the whole "doctor's office thing", The waiting part, that is. Saving your life isn't so bad, but then again, isn't that the hospital?

I heard a quote today, (I think it's a poem, but it's super short.)

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain. -Emily Dickson Pretty, right? It kindof made me think... I'm constantly worrying about myself and not that I don't care for other people but, how often do I go out of my way to help someone else? Like those poor people in Africa... I can walk to Mcdonalds and get a coke right now, but they litterally have to walk hundreds to thousands of miles to a ref. camp, IF they can even get in... And I know hearing about it, anyone would think, "How awful." But sometimes thinking isn't enough. And I know I'll move on with my life, and something else will catch my attention. I guess Sometimes all we can do, is remember them, And pray to God we'll never forget. Quote- "When the power of Love overcomes the love of Evil, the world will know peace." -Jimmi Hendrix Song- If everyone Cared- Nickelback -Grace

Day 1- Happy? Define happy.

School just started back up, Wednesday. I was sick thinking about going back. I don't know, it's not so much school itself, as it's the stress of it all... I guess I walk around with a"What the hell" written on my face but inside its like, I so care! I hate it. I wish I didn't give a crap about anything anymore, but,
I do.
And Happy? What does it really mean? When I think of happy, I think of Spongebob and patrick and really, what IS happy? I think I'm happy? I get asked if I'm pissed off all the time, maybe that's just my expression. :)

*What the hell- Avril Lavigne

*Quote- "I'm impatient, insecure, and a little hard to handle. But if you can't take me at me worst, than you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

-Marilyn Monroe

-Grace

-The new chick.

Hola, bonjour, -hello.(:
Honestly, I got this idea from a movie and I thought it looked fun. So I guess, now I'm supposed to tell you a little about, myself?.. Hmm. I'm 14 and love watching movies and listening to music I cannot sing and envy anyone who can, ;) I'm not in any sports, and never was... If you want to know more message me, (But honestly, that's as interesting as it gets.. ;) 
Really, I'm just a girl who's trying not to get run over in this crazy world. 
Follow me, &I'll follow you, (;

-Grace